| Wednesday, July 07, 2004 |
| Document scrap from my diary |
Now, I know what bothers me so bad these few days. That buzzing in the back of my head, the kind you hear from the drill machine, it nearly killed me when I woke up today. ‘Non-achievement’. The feeling of being ‘useless’. When people churn out whip-a-crack out of ur ‘no work’ status.
Constant transmutation: That barren land I see from my balcony has lush grass now but not a sprig of green belongs to me. The pigeon family had a go at the welcome party lined up for their hatchlings. All new blitzkaboo of K-L-M serials n other miscellany. Broken toenail replaced with its namesake, stubs resurface on waxed arms. Day-break > Sun > Sweat > print-outs on the wall > Lunch-room > Food > My bus back home > The moon > Sleep-pattern. But zilch change on me.
With due credits to Marlon Brando, "I could have been somebody instead of a bum, which is what I am."
I couldn’t, in all those re-runs of history; cannot and will never have the grit to laugh at myself. They laughed and I smiled back...the consequence was promptly driven back into my head.
Maybe that’s what got me looking forward to the trekking trip that WAS to be. It no more is. Courtesy, the conspiracy masterminded by nature. Landslides and Cloudburst killed about 17 n many more injured.
oh! btw, nicotine does NOT help. Tried. Tested. Trusted?!? *BAH* That's another story.
Another turning point and a fork stuck in the road -- Green Day
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posted by Shivranjini Krishnamurthy @ 7/07/2004 02:43:00 PM  |
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